The Ross/Brand affair leads to Civil War!
November 3, 2008
I’m back! And what worse way to start up eyedropper again than commenting on the meme du jour? Normal service will resume shortly: Until then, have this mind dribble.
Oct 16, 2008 - The comedians leave several lewd messages on the actor’s answerphone after he was not available for an interview.
Oct 23, 2008 - Ms Pool emails BBC Radio 2 controller Lesley Douglas to ask for an apology on behalf of her client, Andrew Sachs. Mail on Sunday contacts Sachs’ agent
Oct 26, 2008 - The paper’s headline, ‘BBC obscene phone calls to actor, 78′ is the first mention in the press of the prank phone calls. Brand highlights Mail’s ‘Hitler’ links
Oct 28, 2008 - BBC director of audio and music Tim Davie tours TV newsrooms to assure viewers he would ‘look thoroughly at what happened and take appropriate action’
Oct 30, 2008 - Ross is suspended without pay for 12 weeks - BBC2 to apologise to licence fee payers, complaints reach 37,500
Oct 31, 2008 - Channel Five air an interview with Andrew Sachs’ granddaughter Georgina Baillie in a documentary called Russell & Ross: What the F*** Was All That About?
……… a few weeks later later
The whole event, coupled with the financial meltdown and lack of a good Christmas leads to more unrest. The population falls into two main camps.
The RossBrands (mainly young knife-carrying urbanites) engage in pitched battles in the streets with the Sachians (mainly older cricket-bat-swinging suburban and rural people)
PM appeals for calm but with the issue splitting even the police force in two he’s powerless to act
Friends, neighbours, even members of the same family all turn on each other. Beatings and lynchings become common.
No one is going to work, the economy crumbles, inflation is at 500%.
The army, all ready over stretched in Iraq and Afganistan is unable to keep the peace.
After a 4 day siege the entire staff of BBC Radio York are dragged out and executed by a mob, their remains are hung on the Castle walls
Royal family go into hiding for their own protection
President Obama uses the term civil war, but is unwilling to commit troops at this stage
Like Attlee in ‘39, Thompson becomes an ineffective leader constantly appealing for peace and dialogue. Ross stages a coup and installs himself as ‘Content Protector General’ of the BBC. Brand returns as the bizaarly titled “Minister of Joy’ and mounts a campaign of terror.
The BBC releases a massive media bomb from it’s Kingswood Warren labs, saturated the air waves and the internet with propaganda
The Mail, which backs the Sachians resorts to dropping papers out of planes and signs the treaty of Isleworth with Sky to provide “supporting broadcast services” according to the Mail.
The BBC retaliates and declares war on Sky. Channel 4 and Five tries to maintain nutraliaty but most Sachians believe them in league with the BBC
Georgina Baillie declares herself a virgin queen and modern-day Joan of Arc. She commands a huge army of outraged middle-aged men who practice hero worship
BBC Shetland, BBC Jersey and BBC Gurnsey declare themselves breakaway Republics, Minister Brand brands them traitors but can do little about it
The South Eastern Sachians forces led by General LittleJohn take Dover and blow up the Channel tunnel. General Littlejohn describes is as an “immigrant access facility”
The BBC’s crack Drama division succeed in detonating a ‘dirty bomb’ in the Royal Borough of Tonbridge Wells, having had ‘practice‘ in 2003.
Field Marshall Clifford leads 7,000 troops and captures BBC Manchester, Content Protector General Ross swears to retake it and mounts a massive counter attack from BBC Liverpool and BBC Leeds and Sheffield, the loss of life is the highest yet on both sides leading the campaign to be dubbed the ‘Slaughter of Salford’.
Ross appears on all TV, internet and radio stations at the same time saying the war can be won. But huge areas of the country are in the hands of the Sachians forces.
The war reaches stalemate as the wet summer of 2012 draws in, Britain lies in ruins. The Olympics are cancelled
BBC Props department in conjunction with Kingwood Warren own up to having a fully working TARDIS “we wanted it to look authentic on screen” says Lieutentent Brandon Butterworth
Former controller Lesley Douglas uses the TARDIS to travel back in time on a one way mission and chooses not broadcast the show - history heals itself
eyedropper.co.uk goes into hibernation
April 20, 2008
Hello. Just a wee note to let you know that, like the Blue Peter tortoises, eyedropper.co.uk is going into a bit of a dormant state while I concentrate on the Big Food Map project I’m doing for Channel 4.
The odd thing might appear on my Flickr stream, but for the next seven months it’s out with the carbonite on eyedropper.co.uk as I’ll be posting a lot less than I all ready am.
I’ll take a moment to reflect here on my small contribution to the internet. I started eyedropper.co.uk on the 11th January 2004, have I contributed anything worthwhile? Here’s what the WordPress stats machine had to say about my all time top posts.
| 4oD on a mac | 4,907 | |
| Athena Classics: Tennis Girl | 3,737 | |
| 4oD on a Mac Part II | 2,427 | |
| The History of the Channel 4 logo and id | 1,336 | |
| Michelle wins the Apprentice.. what’s he | 763 |
So it seems 4oD on a Mac and the history of the Channel 4 logo were popular, along with photographs of girls, one scratching her arse, the other spent a few weeks working for Sugar.
What’s more the top five search terms that people used to find my blog are as follows:
| michelle ryan | 10,948 |
| drunk girl | 4,073 |
| 4od mac | 3,011 |
| michelle dewberry | 2,664 |
| spit roast | 2,416 |
Sigh. At times like this your with Leo McGarry’s view of the personal computer..’A more efficient delivery system for gossip and pornography? Where’s my jet pack, my colonies on the Moon?‘
Anyway, I’ve really enjoyed blogging on eyedropper, I hope I’ve at least made some of you not looking for Muchelle Ryan images or how to run 4oD on a Mac laugh along the way.
I’ll be back in seven months.
All the best
Andrew
UPDATE: If you want to get hold of me you can eee male, all 1 word, big food map at channel 4 dot com.
R.I.P Alfred Ernest Webb
April 6, 2008
R.I.P Alfred Ernest Webb
Originally uploaded by eyedropper.co.uk.
Northern Rock nationalised…
February 17, 2008
… blimey my tiny two bed flat in Crystal Palace is now owned by the Government of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Maybe now I should have open days and guided tours for you, the UK tax payer now owner. I could convert the study into a gift shop and tea rooms. Of course I’ve already had some recent ‘visitors‘. Wonder what this means for Newcastle United?
Robert Capa’s Lost Negatives
January 28, 2008
Robert Capa - Lost Negatives - Art - New York Times
Wow that’s a find. I’ve always admired Capa, not necessarily for his work, but for who he was. For the rogue, for the adventure. And for “If your pictures aren’t good enough, you’re not close enough”
The work / blog balance
January 24, 2008
Nice Pen. The Pig’s Lipstick and Faces in Places work stuff out
OK slightly weird one this… I’ve just checked all my fellow ‘Channel 4 employees who blog’ websites, and none of them have yet written about the session we had this morning about how channel 4 staff handle their blogs. Maybe I’ve too much free time tonight?
Anyway, first a bit of history. Channel 4 has come a little late to the staff-who-blog policy thing. When I was at the BBC two years ago Nick Reynolds ran, in my estimation, a perfect example of how to come up with a staff blogging policy. He started a wiki, threw up some thoughts with a nod to HR and stuff, and asked us, the bloggers, to edit and tweak the guidelines. After a short debate consensus was reached and the whole lot put on a public facing page for the world to see. Nick was it that easy?
So this morning I attended a session about staff blogging for channel 4. There was a previous session which addressed the idea of an official channel 4 blogger attended by Press and Publicity, Marketing, Legal and Compliance and other interested parties. Of Channel 4’s traditional approach to media communications I will say this, and it’s an observation not a critism. Our set up, our DNA, is programmed to deal with the likes of the Liverpool Echo, not Cory Doctrow. There was talk about the channel 4 ‘line’, but the day a company of 900+ souls speak as one voice on a subject is the day we become bees. If my time at channel 4 has taught me anything, it’s that the staff actually care and have a huge range of opinions on our output, it’s just that in the past you had to go to the Barley Mow or the Greencoat Boy to (over)hear those views and that those views were drowned out by ‘the line’. This isn’t the case anymore and there are parts of the organisation that have no frame of reference for this; It could be described as the introduction of rats to a previously perfectly balanced eco-system of flightless tropical birds. Just how does the channel respond to people who blog about our content, and staff who blog about… well as it turns out, all sorts of things.
Some topics that came up from the session, and maybe my fellow workers can fill in the blanks.
Public vs Anonymity: anonymous blogging is ok, it’s often how many of us start. But hiding behind anonymity for the sake of being controversial is not very good. Many of us, myself included, hid behind a nickname or moniker. Which makes us all sound like American truckers “Cowbite this is eyedropper you got your ears on good buddy 10-4?” Let’s face it, we’re not whistleblowers, using annonymity just to be bitchy is.. well it’s a faux pas.
Say it loud: I think there’s loads of brilliant people at channel 4, with knowledge and skills and tips and experience. Everyone should feel they can talk about what they do, not matter what their dept or job title.
Staff safety: Channel 4 has a duty of care to its employees. Jon Gisby talked in he opening gambit that the ‘do right by the company and the company will do right by you’ culture is a good thing. Some of our staff are at the front line of user interaction or work in some very sensitive or controversial areas. They must be careful how they conduct themselves in the digital world because of the implications.
Other things: Channel 4, indeed broadcasting itself, has gone through a crisis in the past year. Our users - not viewers - are having the debate on our output and services. To remain silent is dumb, literally. We should engage with the debate, not in an attempt to win over anybody or fight fires, but to put our point across. People might not agree with what we say, but at least we’ve said it.
Here are some of the points we came up with.
- Rule 1. Help us write the other rules.
- It’s the internet, try not to make a tit of yourself.
- Don’t smoke cigs in your school uniform.
- Don’t ask managers, ask peers.
It was a really enjoyable session.
BBC Three
January 22, 2008
Now some of my best friends work on BBC Three, and let me say that I thought Last Man Standing was one of it’s best successes last year. However this made me laugh today from Cohen’s launch speech.
“At BBC Three we should be known for pioneering risk, and be obsessed with all things new – new talent, new programmes, and a new relationship between television and the internet.”
On the current BBC Three homepage right now? Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. A show that first went out in 2003 when BBC Three was called BBC Choice and has just started its 7th series. A show who’s own writers explained that the absense of Ralf Little ‘Johnny’ character was due to the fact that he was at a Shark Jumping Event in America!
Can it!
A Stranger’s Childhood in Pictures
January 20, 2008
About 18 months ago, mooching round a charity shop in Crystal Palace I came across a box of 35mm colour slides. They seemed to depict roughly a year or two in someone’s life. There were summer holidays, Bank holidays, donkey rides, church services, day trips to a zoo and an ornamental garden, family gatherings and finally Christmas dinner. The woman in the shop didn’t know where they’d come from, ‘perhaps a house clearance’ she said.
They’re amazing. This is what photography used to be like for most people. You took the camera out when there was an ‘occasion’ as getting film processed was a bit of a luxury. It’s the sort of photography I grew up with, what is jokingly referred to as ‘Christmas on each end of the film, summer holiday in the middle’. If you grew up in the late 60s/early 70s, you’re childhood probably looked like this too. When you like at images like these, you can squint and almost imagine your family members in the picture.
As this statistic from the National Media Museum says.
‘In 1979 amateurs took an estimated 750 million photographs. By then there were 10 million snap shooters …. Most used between one and three rolls of film a year’
Last November the number of uploaded Flickr images passed the 2 billion mark (in just four years). That’s progress after all, to quote Mat Locke talking about his own kids’ use of technology: ‘What we carved out of rock they take as landscape‘
We photograph everything these days; we’ve made our whole lives one long ‘occasion’. But when you look at these found images, you see not only the rapid change in how we used photography, but how rapidly we’ve changed as a society and as a Nation too.
Anyway, I was planning to do something clever and creative with them, but I (well actually Lee!) never got round to it. So instead, here they are, released under CC (Attribution-NonCommercial) for what ever you’d like to do with them.
Below are some of my favourites. (Full set here) If you recognise a place (or a face!) in any of them, please at a note/geo-tag in Flickr.
People made their own music
Spain had just become affordable as a holiday destination
People still went to Church
Christmas Dinner was still a free for all.
Most people holidayed in the UK
HMS Victory ( I think)
Twister was the new crazed
The Bugle in Hamble (Still there) and super weirdly I went there the week before I bought these slides.
The average family gathering, with tea
Anyone recognise the make of car?
Look at the dresses, the decor, the hair!
The Crystal Palace college of very high education*
January 16, 2008
If I’m in of a Monday evening, I am rather partial to playing along with University challenge. So much so that I’ve been keeping score.
The rules are:
You have to say the answer out loud before any on screen contestant.
If you shout out a wrong answer to a starter question you have to loose five points, just like they do.
| University | Score | University | Score | CP College (me) |
| Christchurch - Oxford | 245 | Homerton - Cambridge | 65 | 55 |
| Birmingham | 200 | Magdalen - Oxford | 210 | 60 |
| Birmingham | 145 | St Andrews | 200 | 110 |
| Worcester - Oxford | no record | Pembroke - Cambridge | No record | 115 |
| Edinburgh | 130 | Bangor | 105 | 85 |
| Uni central Lanc | 90 | Sheffield | 265 | 135 |
| Durham | 120 | St Edmonds Hall - Oxford | 255 | 155 |
| Exeter | 215 | Jesus College | 140 | 110 |
| Manchester | 260 | Newcastle | 105 | 85 |
| Nottingham | 180 | Christchurch | 305 | 135 |
As you can see I’ve come second twice, and not done too shabby on other occasions, and there’s one of me and four of them. What’s more my Alma Mater was St Martins college of Art where I did sculpture! Pah, kids today. I wonder if you could make a red button or online version of Uni challenge? At the moment there isn’t even a holding page for it on the BBC.
*As in it’s the highest point in London.. not high as in a 60skind of a way - man. Though this blurb say thatWesterham heights is the highest point, but look at the map, that’s not really in London is it, that’s Kent!
New year, new me, new plan, new blog!
January 5, 2008
As some of you may know, I’m planning to pack in the London media high life and spend six months working on organic farms around the UK. What you mean I didn’t tell you?!
Anyway, the project has begun… it’s called (for now) Eating Albion and it’s me doing foodie, natural and probably muddy things around the British Isles starting in April. And here’s a link to it, check it out. www.eatingalbion.co.uk
If you’re interesting in why I’m doing this, have a look at this post, here’s how it came about, and here’s my about page. Consequently most of my food blogging will be done over there from now on.
What does this mean for eyedropper.co.uk? Well, this blog probably won’t update as much, but it may return to being about media, the BBC, Channel 4, news, photography and web design - which is what it was before my love of food took over a few years ago.
We’ll see…
